The title of this is self explanatory, really. Having been blogging about books regularly for almost 18 months now, and having been watching booktube for nearly 2 years this is a question that has plagued me somewhat over the last few months. Should I start making videos? The easy answer is yes, but it’s the factors that lead up to it that are making it difficult for me.
I apologise in advance for this inevitable ramble but, as I want to be as honest as possible, I’m not going to edit too much.
For the last 10 years, I have been plagued by anxiety. This is something that I’ve learnt to live with every day, around ‘real people’ but it has taken 5 years or so for me to be able to go shopping and not have a panic attack. The thought if starting a youtube channel fills me with fear because the internet has been my safe place for so long – however much I long to be part of the BookTube community I constantly have this fear holding me back.
I’m a very insecure person. I take things to heart. I was bullied throughout my entire school experience, even when I was out of school because I was ill I was on the receiving end of abuse because I wasn’t at school. Because of this I find it really hard to fit in, I long to fit in and it’s something that I find so hard to do. One of the biggest fears I have about starting a BookTube is that I just won’t fit in, that no one will like me… it’s silly, it’s petty, the more I say it the more stupid I feel! But nonetheless, this is how I feel.
My anxiety is stopped me from doing a lot, most of the time I’m okay with the outcome. But when I can’t give a presentation to a group of 5 people – albeit in person – the thought of airing my opinions on the internet for anyone to see fills me with dread. I wish it didn’t.
Then there is the matter of equipment, I don’t really have it. I don’t have a clue where to start with editing software or cameras. My phone, while an iPhone 5C doesn’t really have storage capacity to film on (I had to uninstall facebook in order to take some pictures.)
I want to do it. I really want to do it. I want to actually be able to take part in meetups like the one on Saturday (25th) and read-a-thons like the BookTube-a-Thon which is running next week (and I might participate in anyway, who cares if I don’t have a channel!) More importantly, I really want more friends who love books. Blogging is great, I love blogging and I love speaking to anyone and everyone who leaves me a comment! Hitting 100 subscribers on this was a milestone, it took nearly a year of blogging 2 or 3 times a week. I’m still very happy about that, by the way.
So, I want to know if you have a youtube channel, it can be about anything! I want to know if you wanted to start a booktube and haven’t, if you’re planning to and we can do it together or if you have one and want to just share an experience to help make me feel more confident about it.
I’m sorry this is a ramble, but I wanted to just get it out there as it came in to my head!
Thanks for reading